As a woman I do use feelings more than logic in deciding a choice or in digesting a complexity of life. Included in the affairs of the heart.
After meeting you, I became increasingly convinced that there are still many good people in this world. You can always make me smile and dependable when I need help. Although sometimes you are a little annoying, yes just a little annoying. Your simplicity often makes me run out of words, I rarely hear you complain.
Your gentle demeanor really embarrasses me with your own 180 degrees self. I'm still childish, still often angry not clear or even complaining just because a little tired. Never once did I hear the harsh words coming out of your mouth. Instead of grateful expressions in simplicity are familiar in my ears when I am near you.
Do not you think of me as what? Maybe just an ordinary friend. Do you know that with your attitude so caring to me has succeeded in paralyzing my rational mind? Oh my God, why can I be so baper?
But I also realize that of course you will be nice to everyone you meet, regardless of their family background, social status, or education level. I know that from the stories of your life that show your emotional closeness to your family, especially your mother.
So I can conclude that you will also treat others, especially the women with high respect, including me.
When I am near you I feel comfortable and when away from you I feel homesick. But at one time I also felt sure as well as doubt about my own feelings. Could I fall in love with him? Or is it just my instinct to thank her for her kindness? Love? It's too absurd to be called love.
True, maybe I just admire her so kind and compassionate. I do not know I'm smart enough to be able to interpret my own feelings. Nor did I want to continue to live in my own irrational mind that contained the absurd things that I had-invented myself. And I decided to try to escape from the feeling that I created myself, keep stepping forward and not looking back.
I realize now I'm not a ABG Labil anymore, because that time I've passed years ago. Now that I've been transformed into an adult woman who is beginning to walk a life complicated enough to guess, I should know how I should put myself and act. Letting feelings splatter and indulging in love words before the right time arrives is a stupid thing to me.
Eventually I chose to focus more on other activities that would distract me from the longing that came. Long enough I managed to do it and almost I forget the figure of the angel without wings. Until one day he was present again in my subconscious, in my dreams he returned to greet me with a sincere smile. Still the same as before and of course still a little annoying.
Somehow you can be present in my subconscious and then we are reunited in real life, then I can not control you back to live in my irrational mind. Are you that person? The man I've been waiting for for years to fulfill me? "These ridiculous questions come to mind when I get back to you.Strange, why can I go back to admiring you as much as ever. Even secretly I will be jealous when you bring your other girlfriend's name in between our chat. The long-rolling time has not been able to erase my old memory, which is already comfortable with a tenderness.
And just as before, there remains confidence and doubt in one breath as I think about you. The difference now doubts are more dominating.
Forgive me who is presumptuous, dare to slip your name in my prayers to God. Forgive me that can not stem my feelings to get involved in our friendship now. If you're too nice to me maybe I should be a little bit mean to you.
In our respective waiting room we will learn about many things, including learning to be a mature and intelligent person. Later we will be together or not, it has become His right. The future remains a mystery, no one knows what surprises the future will bring for us.
The most important thing is to focus on the present, live by our own logic and feelings. Our task is to balance both. We will still be good and continue to improve ourselves in order to deserve the best according to His version. Amen.